New Homeland Security Internet Tracker

Washington D.C.- Officials of the new Homeland Security Agency announced today that a sophisticated new technology to track the web surfing of virtually every individual in America had gone live as of November 1, 2002. 

"This cutting-edge technology is indiscernible to web surfers and can only be detected by the most advanced foreign governments," according to John Covertus, an official of the agency.

According to Covertus, law abiding citizens can "just go about their Internet business. There will be no indication whatsoever to the typical user that every key-stroke is being monitored."

Al Gore, one-time presidential candidate and big-time critic of the present administration was interviewed Wednesday by Diane Sawyer of ABC news and had this to say about the new surf tracker technology,

"Me and Tipper have carefully scrutinized every bit of this new technology.  I know it's been said I'm not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I did invent that whole Innernet thang and I can't find no sign of this messin' with my AOL.  We didn't see nuthin' wrong.  Republicans are bad."