Elmer N. Twaddle, spokesman for the group, called the practice the "worst rip-off in America today. Consumers are going into a 7-11^®, spending two or three dollars for what they believe is just an empty flashlight, and discovering later that the flashlight included batteries!"

One woman, Bertha King, a consumer and housewife from Canton, Ohio, held the cardboard bubble package in which she had purchased a flashlight from a local hardware store. She testified that although the flashlight box had large black letters on the lower left corner stating "BATTERIES INCLUDED," the sales clerk failed to explain just exactly what that meant. "Nobody asked me if I wanted batteries. If they would have asked me, I would have said no!"

King and dozens like her testified that they were not told at the time of purchase that the batteries were hidden in the sealed flashlight. Worse, they were not even aware they had become victims until so advised by government investigators.

Another individual, who identified himself only as a consumer "who knows his rights," was barely able to maintain his composure as he testified that he was particularly devastated to discover, on arriving home and opening his new flashlight, that batteries were included. "I already had batteries!" he sobbed.

Apparently confused, Congressman Edward Heck (R-Mich) questioned one of the government investigators. "Let me see here, the victim bought this flashlight for $1.99 thinking it was empty, correct?"

"That's right."

"And he thought that was a fair price, right?"

"Right."

"And if he didn't like the price, he could have bought another flashlight at another store, right?"

"Right."

"And there were hundreds of places around this town that sold flashlights, right?"

"Right."

"And nobody forced him to buy the flashlight where he bought it, right?"

"Right."

"And so his complaint is that he found out that he bought a flashlight and batteries for the same price he believed he was paying for a flashlight alone?"

"Right! He was defrauded!"

"But you previously testified that the box stated in bold letters, "BATTERIES INCLUDED?"

"But it wasn't explained to the victim!" the investigator screamed.

Congressman Heck was seen leaving the chambers muttering to himself and had no comment for reporters.

Spokesperson for the flashlight industry, Ms. Linda Logan, stated that the industry was studying the problem, and might begin requiring written disclaimers from purchasers confirming that they understood that "batteries are included" in all future flashlight sales that include batteries.

"All along we thought we were doing the best job we could for our customers - after all, everybody needs batteries - now to be accused of fraud ..."

Congress, meanwhile, was considering stiff sanctions against the industry to halt the practice. A congressional spokesman stated: "We are not in favor of people buying something they are not aware of. We are going to be issuing consumer alerts warning people not to become a victim of the battery included fraud."

After the hearing, Twaddle held a press conference for all the major networks.  When asked if consumers weren't smart enough to judge the combination of flashlights and batteries on their own, Twaddle responded:  

"Hell no!.  Consumers are too stupid to figure anything out.  That's why they need us.  Most of them didn't even realize they were victims until we told them they were.  Believe it or not, most of them were actually using the batteries, thinking they were a good thing!"